There is a certain pleasure that comes from finishing tasks and projects; marking them off our to-do lists and not having to put any more energy into them. The only issue is that sometimes we want this sense of “done” for everything, including our own growth and development.

The last decade was filled with both the greatest highs and the greatest lows of my life. Everything I thought was stable flipped upside down. Self-growth became my primary focus. I wanted to fix what was wrong with me and my life and then finally be done with that project forever.

Looking back, I realize that’s not the first time I wanted to be done with “myself.” The seeds of my self-development were actually planted well before the last decade started. Looking in from the outside, nobody could have understood my discontent at that time. I was young. I was a newly-wed. I had a nice condo in the city. I had a great job. I traveled. I had hit societal and cultural milestones of happiness, yet I was far from happy. My relationships, my work, and my health were all suffering.

In this period, I somehow stumbled across Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I don’t say this lightly, but, it changed my life. It completely shifted my perspective. I slowly learned to be in the moment, to surrender to what was, to stop being a victim of the past and terrified of the future. I started taking small steps to take care of myself and I began to observe my mind and how it was attached to my suffering. My awareness became really heightened and, as a result, everything around me improved. Even through some of the challenges that came my way after this, I felt more equipped to handle it all. I had hit this new milestone. It felt as though nothing could really derail me ever again.

But, of course, I couldn’t fast-track the evolution of my own consciousness. What I learned is that every time you think you’ve reached some finish line, you will be shown more ways to open up. More things to learn. More layers of your identity to shed. Through all the turmoil, the layers of fear, and the cultural stigmas of the first half of the last decade, I could still lean on what I had already learned: Breathe. Accept. Surrender. The only thing I ever have to handle is this moment right now.

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Rainer Maria Rilke

So, while I could still be thrown off track, it would never again be in the same way. When you surrender to each moment and each situation, new paths open up for you. Where you couldn’t see a way, you begin to see one. You truly learn that no feeling or situation is final. Most importantly, you learn to trust yourself. As much as I may label experiences as good or bad, I know each one has lead me to the next step – to the next limit I need to overcome, to the next belief I need to question and release.

I followed each step until I became a coach to help other women empower themselves and release what’s blocking them in their own lives. No work has ever lit me up more. But, that doesn’t mean I am not continuing to also break free from my own limitations. When you know this process is ever-evolving, you allow more compassion for yourself and others. I still judge myself for situations where I “should have known better” but then I remember this is all part of the journey. It means, at that moment, there is more within me that wants my attention.

As I continue down this path of accepting and surrendering, I clear the space for the new things that want to come my way. It has helped me welcome new transformative ways of working with others. For example, in addition to coaching, I use a modality called Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT Hypnotherapy). RTT is similar to using Marie Kondo’s KonMari Method on the beliefs in your subconscious mind: when a belief doesn’t bring you joy, you release it with respect and gratitude – in a state where your subconscious will allow a transformation.

So, if your own journey of transformation feels bumpy and never-ending too, that is also what makes it beautiful. Trust it. Growth is never perfect or done, nor should it be. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and, so are you.

Let’s keep going and see what 2020 will bring!